Tetra Pak: Faithful Friend, Silent Hero, and Protector of All Things Good
This is a group for everyone who feels, or has once felt, an emotional connection with that unappreciated but ever-trustworthy steed, that upstanding bearer of all burdens too lowly for us mere men, that rock amongst the moral relativity of our times: Tetra Pak.
The next time that you go shopping
and deliberate over your choice of packaged juice,
consider that small, unobtrusive mark branded upon the side of that carton.
It may seem almost insignificant, and you may have never noticed it before - until things go wrong.
That is where Tetra Pak comes in: ever since 1951, this company has been working on making sure that you enjoy your consumable liquids, time and again, without ever even noticing the container.
There are imitators and imitations,
there are alternatives and there are fashions.
But this is all the competitors will ever be.
Elopak may take your money and splurge on its fiftieth anniversary.
Omnipak may unemotionally manufacture and shift cartons as fast as this valueless society can demand.
Schweizerische Industrie Gesellschaft may have a transportationally convenient shape without a care for innumerable orange-juice-stained items of clothing.
But they will come, and they will go, and Tetra Pak will be there to pick up the pieces.
By all means, choose another company.
That is your inalienable right as a customer.
Just don’t forget that there is someone out there that loves you, and that will stand by you, to have and to hold, for better and for worse, for richer and for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until Best Before End: Tetra Pak, a division of the Tetra Laval Group.
Originally posted as this very stupid Facebook group.
More by Jim
- A probabilistic pub quiz for nerds
- Time is running out to catch COVID-19
- The inception bar: a new phishing method
- The hacker hype cycle
- Project C-43: the lost origins of asymmetric crypto
- How Hacker News stays interesting
- My parents are Flat-Earthers
- The dots do matter: how to scam a Gmail user
- The sorry state of OpenSSL usability
- I hate telephones
- The Three Ts of Time, Thought and Typing: measuring cost on the web
- Granddad died today
- Your syntax highlighter is wrong
Tagged . All content copyright James Fisher 2007. This post is not associated with my employer. Found an error? Edit this page.